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Favorite Things to Do to Pass the Time During Really, Really Long Flights

posted: 04/11/12
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DCL

Here's a special list. A really special list. So special, that we couldn't even fit it into our usual flashy, fancy Top Ten page. But, you just can't edit Mike Rowe. So, here he is in his finest. Take it away, Mike!

10. Redo the same crossword I did the week before as though I'm doing it for the first time.

9. Play Big Screen Tetris.

8. Play more Big Screen Tetris.

7. Sing along with my iPod with increasing volume, until the person in front of me turns around.

6. Offer to buy a drink for the parents of a screaming baby.

5. Offer to buy a drink for a screaming baby.

4. Rub chocolate from the ice-cream sundae on a dollar bill, and stick it to the toilet seat in the nearest lavatory. Watch and check to see if anyone picks it up, and then, ask for it back.

3. Dictate letters in Italian.

2. Offer to buy a drink for the pilot.

1. Nonchalantly turn my cell phone on at 37,000 feet, and scroll to "Ring Options." Select a ringtone, hit enter, and pretend to take the call. Speak in a deliberate, self-assured tone. Tell the "caller" it's a bad time to talk, but that I "understand the dilemma," and still believe I can "bring all parties together." Pause, then add, "There are no guarantees. I'll see you on the submarine." Hang up quickly and pocket the phone. Politely explain to curious passengers that I cannot discuss my "special phone" or my line of work for reasons of national security.

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