Overheard on the Ridge

  • It’s common sense. I mean like, 1+1 is 2, bear + fence - problem. Right? - Terry Porter
  • One time I come in here, smelled so bad I almost throw’d up. - Terry Porter
  • Not so nice a-things go into cabinets. Real nice things gotta go in safes. - Terry Porter
  • Right here on the Ridge, do stuff the hard way sometimes ‘cause the easy way ain’t as much fun. - Terry Porter
  • What’s 1/3? that about like 90%, ain't it? - Terry Porter
  • My Dad told me one time, "If you don’t take chances, you’ll never amount to hill 'a beans." - Terry Porter
  • They’re over there smiling like possums that eat stuff that starts with ‘s’ and ends with ‘it’. - Terry Porter
  • Now if you guys just do everything I told you, I won’t have to do nothin’. - Terry Porter
  • I don’t even have to be the boss as long as they do what I tell them to do. - Terry Porter
  • You know what I’m having for breakfast? Dog Killer butt. - Terry Porter
  • You know the definition of luck, boy? 666. Wishing upon an evil spirit that says good fortune’s coming your way. - Terry Porter
  • Every race has to have rules. It’s in the rule book. Rule number 7. - Terry Porter
  • It’s not a brand new car, but it’s a new car to you car. - Terry Porter
  • You take a bus, throw a little hilljack ingenuity into it, and we can make a dadgum RV out of her. - Terry Porter
  • I got about a 120% chance of winning. Sciscoe’s chance? 70...about minus 70%. That means I got 190% chance for sure win. Basic math. - Terry Porter
  • What is a butt cake pan anyway? It looks like a hemorrhoid pan for your butt. Like a pillow. - Terry Porter
  • Run for your life! Run for your life! Run for your life! WE GOT SNAKES! - Terry Porter
  • I do hate Jeff’s bears, but I hate snakes even worser. I don’t even know which one’s the worstest. - Terry Porter
  • You take one big snake - boom - next thing you know you got a bunch of little snakes, next thing you know the bunch of little snakes grow up to be a bunch of big snakes. You see the problem!? - Terry Porter
  • Not sure about that ‘prejudice’ word, but probably extreme. - Terry Porter
  • It’s all up here. The Terry Porter way. I got a system. It starts from A and goes to Z, and sometimes I go backwards and that confuses everybody, so I know what’s going on. - Terry Porter
  • Romans 12:19 says vengeance is mine, said the Lord, but Jesus gave me authority to tread on serpents. And they’re about to get treaded on. - Terry Porter
  • Got three rules: No smoking, not responsible for vehicles left unattended, no cash refunds, no bears, and no foul language. Guess that’s four rules. - Terry Porter
  • That bear been drinking? - Terry Porter
  • This is the police. Come out with your hands full of coffee and doughnuts. - Terry Porter
  • Think you better give him a persuader if he don’t listen. On top of the head. - Terry Porter
  • Last time I brought these guys to town, ole Elvis Larry almost got hit by a moped. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • Somebody translate what he said. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • Hang on to your sideburns! - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • I don’t know what’s wrong. He won’t eat his bananas. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • This is Trouble, so I gotta watch him. He earned that name. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • If Terry thinks he’s going to get a mongoose and that’s going to solve his problems, he’s even crazier than I thought he was. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • Looking around here is like taking a tour of Terry’s brain, which is a very short, weird tour. - Jeff 'Bear Man'
  • I’ve been working for Terry going on 15 years now. It’s kinda like working for a crazy man. - Danny Bob
  • I send you out for a transmission, you come back with a goat!? - Danny Bob
  • Talk about the nuts running the asylum, I tell you what. - Danny Bob
  • I like it when it’s raining out, ‘cause you gotta wear a shirt. - Danny Bob
  • We gotta get creative with rags, you know? - Danny Bob
  • Whatever blows your skirt up, man. - Danny Bob
  • I promise, Jeff, I won’t tell anybody. I won’t even tell my mom. - Elvis Larry
  • If you ask me, Jeff should have his bear out here looking for drive shafts. - Elvis Larry
  • His mind is running 100 miles per hour in no particular direction. - Elvis Larry
  • I think she’s got a gambling problem. She’s lost 12 dollars, so I figured I’d take her out to dinner. - Elvis Larry
  • Oh God, these things are covered in pee! Oh...this is covered in pee too. - Elvis Larry
  • Jeff’s gonna be mad, because I remember the last time somebody pooped on his carpet. - Elvis Larry
  • I named her ‘Jenny’ after Jenny in Forrest Gump. That’s my favorite movie. - Elvis Larry
  • Boy, this is exciting. I feel like Miami Vice. Like we’re on a sting or something. - Elvis Larry
  • You show me a tree - if it’s clean, I can climb that tree in 30 seconds. - Barry
  • You need to think about safety up here. You might want some seat belts. - Barry
  • I know one thing’s for sure: I know better than to get involved in another Terry Porter project. - Barry
  • I have a pad full of messages here and all he cares about is some stupid race. - Kayla
  • Well, first of all, you have five fingers. - Kayla
  • If I was in your mind, I’d probably be crazy. - Kayla
  • I wish I could say stuff like this didn’t happen all the time but this is actually a pretty normal day. - Kayla
  • Terry calls it a number 3, but I don’t even know what that is... - Kayla
  • Is ‘quelt’ a word?...No, sorry, it’s not a word. - Kayla
  • Don’t you have snakes to kill? - Kayla
  • She’s literally pooping all over the desk. - Kayla
  • Right, wrong or indifferent, we shook on it. - Dirty Andy
  • Time to go find us a creampuff, teach those DKR boys which hog ate the cabbage. - Dirty Andy
  • I love a nice car to wreck. - Dirty Andy
  • Get him to throw in that RV - that’s two deer with one bullet, man. We gotta save ammo where we can. - Dirty Andy
  • As you’re going down the highway, you slide back here, do your little business. - Dirty Andy
  • My money not as green as anybody else’s? - Dirty Andy
  • Terry is in there losing his mind, what little of it’s left. - Dirty Andy
  • Oh, Peaches, I love you. Yeah. So sweet. - Dirty Andy
  • Hey, you guys be cool. Me and Cornbread are gonna hit it. See you later. - Dirty Andy
  • If he don’t know it, you don’t need to know it. - Dirty Andy
  • Come on, man. Only a hilljack gets parts out of Country Auto. - Dirty Andy
  • Larry, I can sell this mower for twice what you gave me for it. Me and you go 50/50 on it, that way we’re all making money. - Dirty Andy
  • I was sitting behind the badge today. It ain’t for no lightweight. - Dirty Andy
  • He ain’t got a lick of sense. Not even the good sense God give a dog. - Bryan Sciscoe
  • Have fun with your dumpster couch! - Bryan Sciscoe
  • I’m retired now, but I always come down for the rice krispies treats. - Delbert Sciscoe
  • I’ve never been so proud that somebody wasn’t my son. - Delbert Sciscoe
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